The past is the present for future generations who do not know their history

An Alabama girl kicks cancer’s butt…

The Things I Learned From Cancer 101 (6)

by Sandra Pullen on Saturday, January 22, 2011 at 6:08pm

Lessons you learn from cancer are ones that change your life. The changes are sudden and permanent.

It begins by shifting your priorities, and the funny thing about priorities, you think you have them all arranged.  Got them just like you like them. Then………….bam!

I liked my life.  I loved my job. Had wonderful friends. A husband who loves me, awesome children and grandchildren.

Was  fortunate enough to still have both parents to love. Yeah, my life was pretty much the way I liked it. There was nothing  more I could ask for, well maybe to win the lottery, but I’ve given up hope of that ever happening.

I lived life in days.  Now, what does that mean, you may ask? Well,  I would get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, go to bed.  That is basically how I existed. Routine was a comfort to me. Doug was always there. 

After all this time, it is still difficult for me to admit, but , yes, I took it all for granted.  I just assumed things would stay the same and that life would continue to be exactly as I wanted it to be.  Day in and day out. 

You see, that was the problem.  Cancer came into my world and suddenly, I found out how to start living! 

When one is faced with a life threatening illness,  there are stages you go through in order to arrive at a place that allows you to deal with all of the changes and shifts that come along with it.

But the one thing that nagged at me from the moment I first heard the word, cancer.  What if I die?   What if this cancer beats me?   What will I do??

Looking back, I realize what silly questions those were!

You see, it was never up to me.  The choices I have to make and the decisions that affect my life are limited. I can only do so much on my own, and in this frail human body. The decision to get up every morning is one that is easy to make. Not rocket science that. 

But whether or not I would live or die was never the issue!   I am going to die!   Now here is the kicker…………..So are you!!!

You see how silly that is?  We all are only given temporary passes. This is not our home. 

I have always said, “I am ready to go, just not today”  If I die to day, just know that I was happy yesterday.  Now that is easy for me to say…..about myself. 

I could not say that about my two year old grandson with Leukemia.  It was no less true for him, but it was not easy for me to say.

In my heart, I could not bear the thought of losing him to the beast. The battle was not an easy one to win, and I know how hard it is to fight the cancer, but he was just a baby, only two years old. How in this world would he ever be able to with stand the chemo monster?  How would his little body be strong enough to battle the pain this beast could cause?

Watching this brave warrior in the fight of his little life was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I wished so many times that I could take his place.  I knew how to fight the beast but my baby didn’t.

My little Austin showed us that it can be done.  Cancer can be beaten.

Every time I see this child smile, I am amazed at how much he has endured.  For six years, he has been cancer free. Now at the age of eight he has blossomed into the little boy that I had always hoped he would be, and I can’t wait to see the man, I know he will one day become.

I love all of my grandchildren with my whole heart. But Austin and I have a kinship that was not of our choosing. We are related by more than just blood. We are kindred hearts in a fight that is lost by so many people every day.

Babies are not supposed to get cancer.  How does that happen????   What has gone so terribly wrong in this world that tiny babies in their mothers arms get cancer?? 

Of one thing, I am certain… I have been given an opportunity to share, and let others know that, cancer doesn’t win every time!

After all of these years of learning these lessons,  I have finally come to realize, that I am still learning!! 

Every day there is a new revelation in my life.  It is like a light bulb goes off in my head, and I want to slap myself and say “Oh, yeah!  I get it now” 

There is no secret, no special remedies in the life of a cancer survivor because we know, it’s not up to us. All we have to do is grab onto the moments!! 

Stop living day by day, in an endless rut and start SAVORING THE MOMENTS! 

The older I get, the more I realize how very little I know about a lot of things, but of one thing I am more certain of now than at any other time in my life is this……………..There is a GOD that loves us. He loves us so much that he even takes pleasure in our slumber.

How many times have you tip toed into your child’s room at night and just gazed at that precious, sleeping face?  What an absolute joy it was to know that little person was safe and sound and peacefully at rest!

Our heavenly father loves us so much that he enjoys watching us sleep!

Can you really grasp that?  Just like an earthly father, he loves to see us at peace and rest.

When I question, WHY?  It’s not for the reason you might think.

I never ask, ” why me?  or why Austin?”  Instead my question is a little more complex.

I say”  Why do other children not get the same wonderful outcome as Austin?  Why do other breast cancer patients not win the battle against their beast?

It makes no sense that babies die from this disease, but it happens every day. I have lost count of the precious little friends that Austin has lost over the years we have spent at St. Jude’s.

Brave little people who face death with the un waverable courage of child like innocence. You see, they don’t know that they are as  sick as they are.

Oh their parents know, you can tell by their faces. The fear, the worry, it’s all there, in every blink, smile and tear.

But the children have no idea how sick they really are.

That is the gift of innocence. You and I had it once, but lost it as time passed. But the children, how unafraid they are of what they face.

I can’t think of anything more painful than the loss of a child.

I have always said that St. Jude is where GOD sends his angels to help sick children.

My family and I love St. Jude!!

It is a place that offers hope to a family who came to them with so much despair. Our lives will never be the same since cancer entered. It is better because now we take NOTHING for granted, Not one second or moment goes by without a thankful prayer for the gift that we have been given.

It may sound crazy, but I wouldn’t trade my experience with cancer for anything in this world, because it taught me how to truly live!!!

And there you have it! The next lesson learned from cancer is …. how to live!  Celebrate the moments!!!

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4 responses

  1. This is Chapter 6 of six articles. Go back and start with Chapter 1, just scroll down, for it to make sense.

    January 24, 2011 at 9:12 pm

  2. Pingback: Things I Learned From Cancer 101 (7) « Remembering the Shoals

  3. Pingback: Things I learned from Cancer 101 (8) « Remembering the Shoals

  4. Pingback: Things I Learned from Cancer 101 (9) « Remembering the Shoals

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